Running Out of Gas

At some point in life, we all worry about something. We worry about family, friends, and finances. We worry that we won’t make it to the gas station before we run out of gas because we were in such a hurry to leave work and get home that we didn’t even think to check the gas before we drove away. Now, we are stuck in afternoon traffic on 440 praying there is enough gas to get us just a few more miles so we can exit and get to the gas station. Then when we finally pull up to pump 4, we are relieved.

But what happens when the worry just won’t go away? We got gas and are heading home, but we just can’t get over the fact that we were so irresponsible and did not check the gas level before we left! How could we do that? What if we had run out of gas and had really been stuck on 440? Who would have come and got us!? Would anyone have been kind enough to stop and offer help? Would the other drivers have been mad and aggravated with us? What if running out of gas had caused a huge wreck!?  What if running out of gas had slowed someone else down and they needed to get somewhere but we made them late so something that should have happened didn’t happen and then they were upset because we caused it and then everything was ruined!? *gasping for air*

Insert anxiety here.

That, my friend, is what anxiety feels like. I wanted to find a good definition for anxiety. However, when I searched Google, no definition seemed to fit. There really is no “one size fits all” definition for anxiety. It affects people differently. For me, anxiety is extreme worry about something that may or may not happen. Anxiety is extreme worry about something that has already happened. Anxiety is extreme worry about everything ever forever.

I feel that most people can understand the “worry before something happens” part, but some may not understand the “worry after” part. And yes, it does happen. I can say or do something one day, then a week later I am still thinking about it. For example, last Monday I could have told Susie Q that her hair looked nice that day. Today, I am playing it in my head over and over. “That day.” Why did I say “Hey Susie Q, your hair looks nice today!” Why would I say that!? Does her hair not look nice every other day? Did she think I meant that her hair doesn’t usually look nice? What if she is mad at me now? What if by giving her that “compliment,” she takes it the wrong way and we stop being friends!? Why in the world did I say it like that!? I could have said, “Hey Susie Q, your hair looks nice!” But NO! I had to say “looks nice TODAY!”

Crazy, right?

But, that is what my anxiety does. It can take something so small and make it into this huge issue that I just cannot shake.

Insert Jesus.

“He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.”
– 2 Timothy 1:7

Jesus is my rock. He loves me just the way that I am. He wants me to trust him and give all my worry and anxiety to him. I tend to be very independent and have an “I can do it by myself” attitude. However, this is not something I can handle on my own. This is so much bigger than me. God wants me to trust him and to let go of this.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
– John 10:10

The enemy tries to destroy us. Destroy our thoughts, our lives, our relationship with God. But, when we run to God and trust him, he comforts us, he protects us, he gives us life. Today at church, we sang that God is a “good, good father” and we are loved by him!

This week, I want to make it a priority to give my anxiety to God. I know it will take time. Old habits die hard. Just ask my husband, I am very stubborn. I know God wants more for me. I know I am loved by him. I know he will help me with this. I have to be willing to let go.

I want to share my story. Many people struggle alone. They are embarrassed, ashamed, or feel guilty about their anxiety. Wanna know something? So do I. But I know God loves me, and he will see me through this. Sometimes I feel alone in my battle. I never want someone else to feel that way. We are not alone. We have our Good, Good Father and we have each other.

Lord, thank you for being so good to us. Thank you for loving us. Help me this week to trust in you. Help me to let go of this anxiety. Help me to love you and love others better every day. Thank you for being so amazing. Amen.

AMS