Attack
The worst thing about driving home on I-40 is exiting at exit 293. Those of you who take this exit know how stressful it can be. Those coming off 440 and those going onto 440 have to use the same lane to exit. It’s awful. The lane gets congested with confused drivers, not knowing who should get over and when is a good time to do so. Just typing this is making my heart race and my hands sweat.
I do NOT like being a passenger. Being in a car is a big anxiety trigger for me. I’d much rather drive. My husband is very understanding of this, so I usually drive. But occasionally, he insists on driving. I have to gather up courage, buckle up in the passenger seat, and distract myself by either looking at my phone, putting on makeup, or singing my guts out (Sorry you have to endure that, honey). I have to be distracted in order for the trip to be successful.
One day, my husband and I were on the way home. He was driving. I wasn’t distracted at the time. I could see the sign for exit 293 ahead. I instantly started to panic. I gripped on to the door and the arm rest. My palms were sweaty. I started to feel jittery. I really hate this exit. It was mid afternoon, so traffic was somewhat heavy. He drives on the exit and has to get into the right lane so we can go down the exit ramp. However, there are so many people trying to exit with us and so many coming behind us that are trying to get onto I-40.
Brake lights. Bright red brake lights ahead of us. Several cars ahead of us had slammed on brakes, so my husband then had to slam on brakes. We came just inches from the bumper in front of us and the car behind us almost put their paint on ours.
I started to sweat all over. I couldn’t catch my breath. What little air I was getting was coming from fast, shallow breaths. My hands started to tingle and every part of my body was shaking. Panic attack.
When I have a panic attack, I feel hopeless. I feel out of control. And for a control freak like myself, that is not a good feeling.
Over the years, I have learned how to have more control over my panic attacks. I have had panic attacks in public places before, and no one else knew. I’ve learned how to hide them. Some are worse than others, and sometimes I just can’t hide them, but some I can.
Conquer
I’ve also learned what works for me and what doesn’t.
What Doesn’t
The first indication that I’m having a panic attack is that my breathing changes. I start breathing fast and shallow. I use to think that if I kept breathing like that, that I would be able to catch my breath faster. I was wrong. It just made it worse.
Freaking out and thinking that I can’t do it makes it worse. If I think I can’t, then I probably can’t.
Covering it up and saying “I’m fine” makes it worse. Clearly, I’m not fine. I’m soaked in sweat and shaking out of control. Those are not usually indications that someone is fine.
What Does
Focus on my breathing. My doctor has told me before to breathe in through my nose, hold it, breathe out through my mouth (kinda like I’m pushing it out). Slow and focused breathing helps.
Grounding myself. Another tip I’ve been given and one that I use is “grounding.” I find something I can see, something I can touch, something I can hear, something I can smell, and something I can taste. It helps bring me back to reality. In the car, I can see the trees outside. I can touch the car mat with my toes. I can hear Andrew Peterson singing on the radio. I can smell my husband’s coffee. I can taste my strawberry watermelon flavored water. It helps. It brings me back down to Earth.
Talking. Letting my husband know I’m having a panic attack and hearing him reassure me that I’m okay helps distract me from what’s going on inside. Talking about why I got upset and getting it off my chest is a big help.
Prayer.
“In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.” – Psalms 120:1
Prayer makes me feel closer to God. It reminds me that he is in control. Sometimes I just tell him that I’m anxious. He knows what’s going on, but praying and telling God that I’m anxious or having a panic attack makes me feel better. I feel relief.
God is so good. He is always there for me no matter what. When I pray, I can catch my breath. I come back down to Earth. Always pray. God helps me conquer my panic attacks. Every time.
God, you are so great. You are always there for me, always. You help me, you love me, you care for me. Please help me to always rely on you and always run to you. Please help me to love you and love others better everyday. Amen.
AMS
I’m Fine, Thanks 