Reach Out

I hear this over and over and over. “Reach out for help!” “If you need help, ask for it!” I’m guilty of saying this myself. But it bothers me a little.

It is very hard for me to admit that I need help…with anything really. I’m very independent and have an “I can do it myself so leave me alone” attitude. It is hard for me to ask for help. When I began noticing that my anxiety was becoming an issue, I thought I could handle it alone. I was once told that I would have a heart attack before I was 18 if I continued the way I was going. (Side note- never, ever tell someone with anxiety that they “will have a heart attack if they don’t calm down” because 1) that causes more anxiety 2) you don’t know they will have a heart attack and 3) you are simply not helping at all).

When I was in high school, I started seeing a doctor for my anxiety, but not because I wanted to. My parents wanted me to go. They wanted to help me. But as a rebellious teenager, I didn’t want help. I wanted to handle this on my own. I was a teenager, i didn’t have problems, or so I thought. Anyway, I would see my doctor often for regular check ups. She put me on medication, which I dreaded taking. She then referred me to a counselor. I was definitely not pleased with that idea. I saw the counselor a few times, but quickly became bitter to the idea of seeing this woman and having her ask me questions about things I didn’t want to talk about. I thought, “This is so dumb. Just leave me alone!”

I stopped seeing the counselor, I stopped going to the doctor, and I stopped taking the medicine. I became frustrated and mad that God put this on me. My friends at school weren’t dealing with this stuff, so why was I? Why was he doing this to me?

Over the next few years, my anxiety got worse. I kept hearing “Just ask for help!” But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

2017 was a year of change, challenges, and growth. My husband and I moved in January. He got a new job about an hour and thirty minutes from home, so we decided to move. I had never lived very far from home. I grew up on our family farm down a looooong dirt road in the middle of nowhere. We lived so far off the main road, you couldn’t even see it from our house. I grew up in the land of pond fishing, tractor driving, and muddy tires. It was great. When my husband and I decided to move, I put on a brave face and said “Let’s do it” while being totally terrified on the inside. Now, we live in a “big city” with lots of neighbors, lots of traffic, and just a lot of stuff. (Let me add, I love the area we are in now, but at first I wasn’t so sure about it.)

The day we moved in to our new place, I found out I had a kidney stone. Y’all, let me tell you, those things are no joke. I thought that was how the good Lord was going to take me home. It was awful. Then the day after I FINALLY passed the kidney stone, I fell down the stairs and hurt my ankle. During the move, a kidney stone, and a hurt ankle, I was going back to school and looking for a new job. I. Was. Stressed.

All of that was still not enough for me to ask for help. My “coping skills” consisted of crying, yelling, and eating. Not the best combination. I cried almost daily, yelled at my husband for absolutely nothing, and ate waaaay too much and gained a lot of weight. I also had a rough battle with depression last year, and it still wasn’t enough for me to ask for help.

Why is asking for help so hard? I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, it is a pride issue. I don’t want people to think I can’t do something, so I do it on my own. I don’t want people to know I’m anxious, so I say “I’m fine” “I’m peachy” or my new favorite “I’m just dandy!” I don’t want to tell people my problems because I feel like that makes me seem weak. I care too much about what other people think, so I keep it to myself, even if that means risking my health for it.

This year, I decided to make a change. I was tired of being anxious, upset, crying all the time, and gaining weight. I had had enough. I set up an appointment with a new doctor (PA, actually, I think) to have a physical. She asked me what else I wanted to talk about, and like a volcano, it just came spewing out. She sat and listened as all of my emotions came pouring out of me. Once I was done and all the word vomit was over, she asked me what I wanted to do. I had never been asked that before. My other doctors just kinda told me what to do. I wasn’t expecting that reaction from her. We talked through coping skills, counseling, medication options, and lots of other things. We talked about anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. I took an assessment to “measure” my anxiety/depression to use as comparison later on. She let me decide how I wanted to handle my situation. I remembered how much better I felt when I was on a daily medication, even though teenage me thought it was dumb. I did feel better. I decided a daily medication would be a good option for me. Due to my lack of a thyroid, I take medication daily anyway, so it wouldn’t make such a huge difference in my routine. I’ve started seeing my doctor regularly and meeting and talking with others has become part of my routine.

I have to be honest, I feel so much better. Again, I can’t speak for everyone, but medication has been a good option for me and has really helped.

I say all of that to say that asking for help is hard, but it is worth it.

Sometimes asking for help is too hard. If you have a friend or family member or anyone that you know struggles, reach out to them! They would probably appreciate it more than you know. Ask them how they are doing, if they are ok, or if they need help. Ask them what you can do for them. It may just be they need a five minute phone conversation or an encouraging text message. Pray for them. Support them. Visit them. Have coffee with them. We all need help in some way, so let’s all help each other. I can not explain just how much it means to me when someone reaches out to me. I am trying to get better about reaching out to others because I know how much it helps me.

Ask for help if you can. If someone reaches out to you, it’s because they care about you. Give help when you can. I know it’s hard, but it is worth it and it will be appreciated. Even if you don’t understand, you can be a listening ear. Sometimes, that can be the biggest help!

Lord, you are so good to us. You care about us and you love us. I ask you to give us courage to ask for help or to offer help. God, give us courage to speak up and to support one another. Thank you for everything you do. Amen.

AMS